I Love Her
by Ninnaras
Summary: Lancelot thinks about love and about how he loves Guinivere. SECOND CHAPTER UP. Guinivere longs for something she cannot have.THIRD CHAPTER UP. Arthur watches both of them, and he understands
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: King Arthur doesn't belong to me, I used a few quotes from the bible aswell**

**ATTENTION:Feedback is welcome, please tell me if you want me to write a chapter from Gwenivere's POV or Arthur's POV**

**I love her.**

I love her.

I love her. That is the plain unadorned truth, to me she is perfection in an imperfect world, an unobtainable goddess of the earth. She is everything I thirst for, a beautiful oasis that haunts my dreams, yet I dare not drink. For she is not mine. Another plain truth, she is not mine and never will be, except in my dreams.

Love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Love is both my blessing and my curse.

Sometimes I wish we had never met, never crossed paths, then I would still be content to bed the first beautiful woman that came my way. I would be free of my curse, my torment, my dreams. I would not have to see her every night, dancing through my dreams like a water nymph, plying me with promises of ecstacy and pleasure, of freedom and trust, of soft touchs and kisses.

Of love.

But, then I think of the way my heart fills when she looks at me, the way my soul takes wings when she smiles...the way I shatter into a thousand pieces delight if she touches me. I think of the way she laughs, the high tinkling sound of bells. The way she tucks her hair behind her ears revealing soft pale skin. The way she focuses solely on me when we spar.

This is my blessing.

Tristan knows I think, that man knows everything. He will not say anything...as will I. I could not betray my commander, my shieldmate, my brother. What answer would I give him if he asked why?. What would I say? I did it for love?

I love her, that is the plain unadorned truth.

Even if I will never know if she could have loved me back.


	2. I watch him

**Disclaimer: Nothing from KA belongs to me.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and keep reviewing. I am considering also doing one from Arthur's POV tell me what you think.**

**_I watchhim_**

I watch him.

I watch him watching me.

I watch and I see. I see it in his eyes. Love. A love that can never be, a love that must be sacraficed for the good of my country, the good of my people. A love that brings me to the pinacle of joy, then to the very bowels of despair. A love that cannot exist, that will never be allowed, yet a love that will be remembered forever.

The two men in my heart, both so similar, yet so very different.

Arthur is like the earth, solid and stable, dependable, the perfect place to build the foundations of a country. The earth is always there, strong and unyielding.

Lancelot is like the wind, playful and unpredictable. A light breeze that softly caresses your face or a raging tempest strong enough to whip a man off his feet. The wind is neither here nor there it just is.

Arthur is like water. Calm and collected unless disturbed, serene, hidden emotions, the harsh coldness of ice. He is cool and precise...at times so cold

Lancelot is like fire. So angry and full of hate, filled to the brim with raw uncontrolled emotion. He blazed with glory like a pagan god of war. He was exciting and compelling, warm and passionate...tempting..

They are friends, brothers in arms, comrades. How two so different people have become this close I could only but guess, such is their respect for each other that Lancelot will make no move to take me from Arthur, he loves him too much, bears him too much respect.

There are time when all I wish to do is have him take me in his arms and kiss me with wild abandon, have him sweep me off me feet and carry me away to some far off land where the chains of our responsibilites will fall at our feet and we will be free.

Freedom.

Such a inspiring word, for years my people have fought for it, so many hardships and losses have been suffered in the name of it. For all this time we have strived for freedom and stability. Arthur can give them stability, who am I to take it away from them? Our union would unite the peoples of Brition and they would prosper and we would have peace. Arthur will make a good king, he has the gift of inspiring others, of making them want to follow him, he would lead Brition into the future. Why now? Why when we are so close, so close, to achiving our goal of getting our country back do I wish to jeapardise it?

So I will continue to watch him watching me, pretending I don't see what lies in his eyes. I will become queen of Briton and I will have everything I ever wanted. A stable country, a good marrige, peace, my people brought together.

Everything.

Except him.


	3. Understanding

**Hi everyone! I'm back with my last instalment in this series of vignettes**

**Disclaimer: Nothing of KA belongs to me**

**Reviews: Please!**

**A/N: Thank you so much for your last review Cardeia, I was blown away that you liked my writing so much, please review again!**

I watch them both.

They think I do not see, but I do. I see the longing glances and the joy they find when they are together, and I pity them. Maybe in a different time and place they may have had a chance, however, times are as they are and no man can change them. Not for greed, nor honor, nor power, not even, for love.

I do not begrudge their love, far from it, the heart cannot help who it chooses, we all need someone in these ever changing times, it was only by unlucky chance that Lancelot and I fell for the same woman.

Lancelot, brave, beautiful Lancelot. Most loyal of knights and my dearest friend, womaniser and charmer, a deadly killing machine. Except this time Lancelot desires the one woman that is unreachable, untouchable. After all the years of bedding tavern whores and village woman my first knight has found love, in the one woman he cannot have. I weep for my friend, I weep that this curse should be put upon him. He will not move to take her, this I know, because he would not be able to betray me like that. That is why he hides his love thinking I cannot see what lies in his heart, he should know better, after all these years together I can read my friend like a book. So I weep to see my beloved knight suffering. Did I save him from his wound at Badon Hill only to only to make him suffer a much more painful one?

Then there is Guinevere, my wife, Queen of Brition. She loves me, I know that, but not in the same way that she loves him. She is a wonderful queen, kind and just. She still retains her warrior spirt, I would never try to tame her, she would rather die. It is part of what I love about her, she has not given up who she is to become a queen, rather, she has intergrated it into being a queen. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met, the one who opened my eyes to this country, who pulled me from my delusions about Rome and allowed me to see the beauty that was all around me. Even if I do not have all her heart I know that I am in it.

So you see, I can live knowing that my queen and my knight love each other because I know they both love me as well. I can live with them both seeing each other every day because I know they will not act upon their feelings. I do not fear because I know she loves both of us, was there any rule ever made that says you can only love one person?

Maybe there is one thing I fear.

What if she loves him more than she loves me?


End file.
